Second Life Relationship Part III

It has been three weeks since you read my first blog & now you have hooked him.  You took your time, have gotten to know him and now you two see less and less of each other as you two fall back into your old SL routine.  You are working on your projects & he is working on his.  The visits get less and less but do not let the conversations dwindle.  The challenge is to keep the interest alive in SL.  Not easily done but the rewards are worth it.

            I still say keep your personal 1^st life info separate from your 2^nd unless you are looking for that relationship outside of SL so some of this will not pertain to you, keep the lines of communication open outside of SL.  You are not logged on 24hrs a day (and if you are something is seriously wrong with you lol) so you cannot be available to talk to in SL.  Create a Gmail or Yahoo account for your avatar, with this you can still send little messages to each other throughout the day and also use their built in chat feature for the times when you don’t want to log in.

You need something to talk about besides big bootied avatars and guys wearing too much bling, get them engaged into conversations that challenge the mind.  I like to watch one dramatic movie a week because they a person can have more to say than ‘It was good/bad’ or ‘that was funny’.  Instead, it opens up a person to deeper conversations because the subject matter requires you to place yourself in that situation.  So break down music, art, movies, books and anything else that requires a person to think and keeps their attention.

Group get togethers are necessary as well.  If we all are in the same place to local chat then that reduces the amount of IM’s a person receives.  Also take classes together in SL, they are a great way to get a common interest that you two can combine resources on and really grow.  I am really proud of my SL sister because she has taken photography( follow this link to see her work) to a new level when she met her now current partner.  He enjoys photography so she found a way that the two of them can bond even more.  I am not saying that you need to change your lifestyle or take on the hobbies of your loved one but think about this…..if you can’t relate to her when she is focused on a project someone else will and when the communication breaks down, that sexy avatar will begin to look less and less attractive as the mental side of the relationship dissolves into conversations about ‘want to try out my new digital genitals?!’

To summarize all three sections: 1.take it slow & 2. Go beyond the sexy avatar 3. Plant seeds of intelligent thought into their minds and nurture it.  If we do not have anything good to say then we tend to say nothing at all. Don't have chat boxes that look like this:

PersonA: How was your day? PersonB: okay A:I missed you B: aww ty (20 minutes go by) A: I'll brb B: K ttyl.

As always I welcome your comments, hate mail & voicemails! Have a great one everyone!

Part II of SL Relationships

          

There are people in SL who are genuinely sincere in their approach.  Whether it be for love, friendship & yes even casual sex (since there are entire sims devoted to casual sex & noobies).  Others hide their intent, not because they want to deceive, there are those that do, but because of uncertainty & trying to protect what is dear to them, their heart.

            As I noted before things happen very quickly in SL and I advised on controlling the flirts.  If you are one of the few genuine real people in SL, you need to be aware of your own actions as well as others.  For starters, do not jump gung ho into that new person that you meet.  Take your time, ask questions, and refrain from flirting and over complimenting on the avatar’s appearance.  Someone told me that I asked a lot of questions, well I have to in order to decide whether or not I want to pursue this friendship and have it evolve into something more.  It’s too easy to flirt but takes a disciplined person to refrain from it and if you remove the rubbish from the IM’s guess what you are having people…..a real & hopefully engaging conversation!!  Don’t get me wrong flirting has its place just not every time you IM a person, eventually it will get boring & what happens when the other person is not in the mood then you are left thinking they are an ass because you got blew off.

            A now good friend of mine told me that they do not like people slobbering over their avatar.  She is tired of men drooling over the avatar & not taking the time to find out who is behind the vixen.  The same can be said for women who drool.  You lose whatever bit of interest that person held for you and they might even begin to avoid you.  It is okay to compliment just don’t overdo it along with the flirting.

            If you are interested in a person and they are always the driving force of the conversation then you might have to look a little deeper inside yourself.  It needs to be a two-way conversation or else someone will be labeled boring.  Find something to talk about, that is why you must ask questions people!!!  I have only found a few people who are able to carry on a solid conversation, other I am probing & probing trying to get them to talk since they have expressed interest as well.  Once I stop asking the conversation goes dead & then there is this awkward silence.  

            To get the affection of your heart’s desire you need sincerity & most importantly respect personal boundaries.  There is nothing wrong with trying to spend as much time together as possible you just need to balance it.  Leave that person an open invitation, if you are going to be at a club let them know that they are more than welcome to join you and that your IM box is always available.  Leave it at that.  Do not press the issue and keep the conversation friendly.  If they are available, they will show & if they are at least interested in you, they will at least IM you.  Try being friends first, don't forget to read the signs and protect what is dear to you.

As with any of my postings I welcome anonymous comments, voice mails & hate-mail.