Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Pimp Slapping is Good for the Soul

As a kid, I remember getting into fights with my best friend on a regular basis.  One of those fights stick to my memory for some reason.  It was not out of the ordinary but I remember throwing a bicycle wheel at him, which hurt him very badly, and he dropped kick me in return.  The battle was a stalemate and after an hour or so, we calmed down and went back to playing with our dolls, ahem, I mean action figures.  Our parents and society encourage us to talk our differences out rather than resorting to physical contact.  Many civil right leaders also taught their followers that violence would not solve anything.  What happens when diplomacy fails? This time of year both customers and retail employees are feeling the stress of the season.  Here is a remedy.

A friend of mine was telling me about how she did not want to go to work because she might be fired for slapping someone.  I normally do not promote violence but in some cases I agree you just might have to slap a bitch.
You know exactly what I am talking about people!  There is this one person (Hopefully it is only one person otherwise, you might be the one asking for a beat down) that is always stealing your energy, your joy.  You have tried to be courteous, pleasant and even avoidance but whenever that person says your name, it just makes your skin crawl and your blood boil. 
            I say take it outside.  Tell that person to meet you in the bathroom, the roof or heck even in a cubicle where you can tell them exactly what is on your mind.  You are probably thinking that I have lost my mind but there is an unspoken hierarchy that exists in society.  People tend to think that we are above the animals but instead we should learn from them.  We need to tap into our primal nature and show people who exactly is the alpha male and female. 
            Next time someone gets in your face, talks trash, run your name through the mud or even looks at you cross-eyed……shove a foot so far up their ass they will need it surgically removed, literally.  They need to be put in their place plain and simple.  Words will not suffice.
            Oh by the way, this is just the ramblings of a mad man.  I do not promote violence and if you do put your hands on someone, your ass will be arrested.  

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

What's Wrong with Men These Days?!

Here it is in a nutshell ladies you don't give men the chance to be men.  ‘He trifling and ain't got no job,' well give him a chance and stop treating him as a child.  I’m going to list five things you women can do to get that man to stop being trifling and for you to stop being so nagging.
1.   Stop with all the questions
a.   We men don’t talk often about our feelings so stop asking us ‘Why won’t you talk to me; I know something is wrong what is it or blah blah blah?’ We need time to think and really appreciate an initial show of concern then we want you to back away.  If you see he is being quiet and something is bugging him, all you need to do is say ‘I can see that something is bothering you, if you want to talk about it I’ll be here for you’ then walk away.  Find something to occupy your time.  He will be working out his issues, which sometimes take a while.
2.   Positive Reinforcement
a.   Men love to be needed and being told they are doing a good job.  That is when they do actually do something.  You might have to dig deep but tell him he did a good job and you really appreciate his effort.  His tail will start wagging and it will empower him to go out & do something else nice for you.  You will find that you will have to repeat things less often and he will actually seem more loving, giving you the attention you want & deserve.  You have to be patient.
3.   Give Him a Chance to Step Up
a.   This is actually hard to implement because there are things that cannot wait but it ties in with steps 2 and 4.  When he fails do not say ‘I told you so’ that will belittle him and force him to not want to try to please you.  He will start thinking that nothing he does is ever good enough for you.  You come off as a bitch and he will clam up.  He is not a child no matter how he acts so do not treat him as such….except for patting him on the head and telling him he’s been a good boy.
4.   Guys Listen to your Women
a.   Fellas…you need to take time out for the woman that you love.  You want to be appreciated for the things that you actually do then start with what she has been lacking..attention.  This is not sex or romance.  This is coming home & giving her your undivided attention for 20-30 minutes & genuinely ask how her day was then shut up.  Do not speak.  Just listen and hold her.  Have an actual conversation.  Don’t start answering IM’s or emails, phone, or anything.  UNDIVIDED ATTENTION.  Whatever she has to say is important to her and al she wants is to be heard and please do not offer any solutions. 
5.   Repeat Step 1
a.   Like anything we do in life, practice makes perfect.  Take a deep breath.  Find something to give him credit on.  You don’t have to agree but he still needs that reinforcement.  If he puts the toilet seat down there is your first moment.  Walk up to that man kiss him on the cheek and thank him for it.  I guarantee you will find more seats down in the future.  
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