Pimp Slapping is Good for the Soul

As a kid, I remember getting into fights with my best friend on a regular basis.  One of those fights stick to my memory for some reason.  It was not out of the ordinary but I remember throwing a bicycle wheel at him, which hurt him very badly, and he dropped kick me in return.  The battle was a stalemate and after an hour or so, we calmed down and went back to playing with our dolls, ahem, I mean action figures.  Our parents and society encourage us to talk our differences out rather than resorting to physical contact.  Many civil right leaders also taught their followers that violence would not solve anything.  What happens when diplomacy fails? This time of year both customers and retail employees are feeling the stress of the season.  Here is a remedy.

A friend of mine was telling me about how she did not want to go to work because she might be fired for slapping someone.  I normally do not promote violence but in some cases I agree you just might have to slap a bitch.

You know exactly what I am talking about people!  There is this one person (Hopefully it is only one person otherwise, you might be the one asking for a beat down) that is always stealing your energy, your joy.  You have tried to be courteous, pleasant and even avoidance but whenever that person says your name, it just makes your skin crawl and your blood boil. 

            I say take it outside.  Tell that person to meet you in the bathroom, the roof or heck even in a cubicle where you can tell them exactly what is on your mind.  You are probably thinking that I have lost my mind but there is an unspoken hierarchy that exists in society.  People tend to think that we are above the animals but instead we should learn from them.  We need to tap into our primal nature and show people who exactly is the alpha male and female. 

            Next time someone gets in your face, talks trash, run your name through the mud or even looks at you cross-eyed……shove a foot so far up their ass they will need it surgically removed, literally.  They need to be put in their place plain and simple.  Words will not suffice.

            Oh by the way, this is just the ramblings of a mad man.  I do not promote violence and if you do put your hands on someone, your ass will be arrested.  

What's Wrong with Men These Days?!

Here it is in a nutshell ladies you don't give men the chance to be men.  ‘He trifling and ain't got no job,' well give him a chance and stop treating him as a child.  I’m going to list five things you women can do to get that man to stop being trifling and for you to stop being so nagging.

1.   Stop with all the questions

a.   We men don’t talk often about our feelings so stop asking us ‘Why won’t you talk to me; I know something is wrong what is it or blah blah blah?’ We need time to think and really appreciate an initial show of concern then we want you to back away.  If you see he is being quiet and something is bugging him, all you need to do is say ‘I can see that something is bothering you, if you want to talk about it I’ll be here for you’ then walk away.  Find something to occupy your time.  He will be working out his issues, which sometimes take a while.

2.   Positive Reinforcement

a.   Men love to be needed and being told they are doing a good job.  That is when they do actually do something.  You might have to dig deep but tell him he did a good job and you really appreciate his effort.  His tail will start wagging and it will empower him to go out & do something else nice for you.  You will find that you will have to repeat things less often and he will actually seem more loving, giving you the attention you want & deserve.  You have to be patient.

3.   Give Him a Chance to Step Up

a.   This is actually hard to implement because there are things that cannot wait but it ties in with steps 2 and 4.  When he fails do not say ‘I told you so’ that will belittle him and force him to not want to try to please you.  He will start thinking that nothing he does is ever good enough for you.  You come off as a bitch and he will clam up.  He is not a child no matter how he acts so do not treat him as such….except for patting him on the head and telling him he’s been a good boy.

4.   Guys Listen to your Women

a.   Fellas…you need to take time out for the woman that you love.  You want to be appreciated for the things that you actually do then start with what she has been lacking..attention.  This is not sex or romance.  This is coming home & giving her your undivided attention for 20-30 minutes & genuinely ask how her day was then shut up.  Do not speak.  Just listen and hold her.  Have an actual conversation.  Don’t start answering IM’s or emails, phone, or anything.  UNDIVIDED ATTENTION.  Whatever she has to say is important to her and al she wants is to be heard and please do not offer any solutions. 

5.   Repeat Step 1

a.   Like anything we do in life, practice makes perfect.  Take a deep breath.  Find something to give him credit on.  You don’t have to agree but he still needs that reinforcement.  If he puts the toilet seat down there is your first moment.  Walk up to that man kiss him on the cheek and thank him for it.  I guarantee you will find more seats down in the future.  
If you noticed on the bottom you can now give feed back with just a click & not write a comment TYVM

Shattered

What is a community?  To some it is a group of people living within the same neighborhood, city etc.  For others a community means people who share a particular trait or traits, some familiarity bring them together.  According to Webster's Online Dictionary, A community is ' a body of persons or nations having a common history or common social, economic, and political interests'.  That is but one definition, I would like to amend that to include 'for the betterment of everyone'.  The term community has become a buzzword as of late, it is being tossed around and used too loosely.  I am so honored and grateful to Osuntomi Melendez for allowing me to join the Kiko Life community.  When people come together and donate their talents, their time and their resources to a cause, a beautiful idea is birthed.  I am still new to this sim but I know Kiko Life is that community.  Yet we spend a lot of time porting from sim to sim & renting from absent property owners when everything we need is already in place.  If enough people actually were involved in ‘their community’, there would never be a boring moment in SL.  There are enough vendors to supply a variety of products, there are enough deejay’s to stream music at least 12hrs a day.  Our sense of community is shattered.  Many people with the resources tend to go and buy their own piece of SL.  They spend an enormous amount of time building their vision of their personal community where everything is centered on them instead of forming connections with others who share the same goal and making their dream a reality.  Why are we shooting ourselves in the foot?  Rent a slot to place your product, if you are a deejay then offer to stream on Sampler Saturday’s or anytime that you can spare.  SL is not all about the lindens; it is an opportunity to enhance who you are as well as who we are.  Kiko Life is an ethnic sim built from the ground up to promote culture, fellowship and networking opportunities, a true sense of a community.  Visit the website www.kikolife.com and register after visiting or revisiting the sim to see what all this community has to offer.  We are still in our infancy but with leaders, visionaries and members, Kiko Life will make true community a reality.

Second Life Relationship Part III

It has been three weeks since you read my first blog & now you have hooked him.  You took your time, have gotten to know him and now you two see less and less of each other as you two fall back into your old SL routine.  You are working on your projects & he is working on his.  The visits get less and less but do not let the conversations dwindle.  The challenge is to keep the interest alive in SL.  Not easily done but the rewards are worth it.

            I still say keep your personal 1^st life info separate from your 2^nd unless you are looking for that relationship outside of SL so some of this will not pertain to you, keep the lines of communication open outside of SL.  You are not logged on 24hrs a day (and if you are something is seriously wrong with you lol) so you cannot be available to talk to in SL.  Create a Gmail or Yahoo account for your avatar, with this you can still send little messages to each other throughout the day and also use their built in chat feature for the times when you don’t want to log in.

You need something to talk about besides big bootied avatars and guys wearing too much bling, get them engaged into conversations that challenge the mind.  I like to watch one dramatic movie a week because they a person can have more to say than ‘It was good/bad’ or ‘that was funny’.  Instead, it opens up a person to deeper conversations because the subject matter requires you to place yourself in that situation.  So break down music, art, movies, books and anything else that requires a person to think and keeps their attention.

Group get togethers are necessary as well.  If we all are in the same place to local chat then that reduces the amount of IM’s a person receives.  Also take classes together in SL, they are a great way to get a common interest that you two can combine resources on and really grow.  I am really proud of my SL sister because she has taken photography( follow this link to see her work) to a new level when she met her now current partner.  He enjoys photography so she found a way that the two of them can bond even more.  I am not saying that you need to change your lifestyle or take on the hobbies of your loved one but think about this…..if you can’t relate to her when she is focused on a project someone else will and when the communication breaks down, that sexy avatar will begin to look less and less attractive as the mental side of the relationship dissolves into conversations about ‘want to try out my new digital genitals?!’

To summarize all three sections: 1.take it slow & 2. Go beyond the sexy avatar 3. Plant seeds of intelligent thought into their minds and nurture it.  If we do not have anything good to say then we tend to say nothing at all. Don't have chat boxes that look like this:

PersonA: How was your day? PersonB: okay A:I missed you B: aww ty (20 minutes go by) A: I'll brb B: K ttyl.

As always I welcome your comments, hate mail & voicemails! Have a great one everyone!

Emotional Perception

Impressionism, modern, abstract and realism are just a few types of art/painting that exist.  What is it about art that captures our attention?  Why do we look at those blobs of colored ink or streaks of charcoal and either fall in love or heave in disgust (I would hate if the latter has happened to any of you).  Some of you might be thinking that you don’t know the first thing about art or qualified to critique it but I digress.  In each and every one of us is a critique because art is created for you to view so automatically you are an art critique.  All you need is an open mind.

Even before spoken language we humans have been drawing and making pictures to describe how we feel and how we view our surroundings.  We use the resources around us to tell others ‘this is what I am going through, can you relate to me?’ The same goes on for artists.  They use their blank canvas or whatever medium along with what resources they have to show us how they feel at the time.  We are bound to our memories and our brain links strong emotions to certain situations to form lasting memories.  We also use color to describe such intangible notions as feelings, I’m so sad I’m blue, red & angry, green with jealousy.  Even animals use colors to both warn off potential threats as well as seek a mate.  Our mind also analyzes shapes to describe what we are seeing. Certain shapes automatically register as a particular object, four legs must be an animal, tall and bushy that should be a tree.  We label an object before we actually ‘see’ the item in our view.

Artists have taken advantage of this process; they blend color, lines and shapes into something that we all should be able to relate to.  That is why we tend to pause and stare at works of art a bit longer than a picture. Our brain is trying to find out what it is, once it can’t find a shape of a known object from memory it decodes the colors and then it cross references those colors with memories or at least the emotional roadmap of memories.  That is why certain works of art puts us at ease or another just makes your eyes bleed.  Our mind is finding some way to tell you what it sees so when nothing matches with our ‘map’ it just uses emotion ‘That painting just looks angry’ etc.

We like to adorn our homes and businesses with art to create certain moods so I challenge you to go to an art gallery in your home city if you can or follow this Slurl to a gallery in SL at the least. Open up your mind and critique; try to imagine what the artist was going through and what they are trying to tell you.  The more we do it the bigger and more accurate our mental road map will become. The better our road map is, the smaller the world seems. The smaller the world seems then aren’t we all just neighbors…at least that’s the way I ‘see’ it.

Part II of SL Relationships

          

There are people in SL who are genuinely sincere in their approach.  Whether it be for love, friendship & yes even casual sex (since there are entire sims devoted to casual sex & noobies).  Others hide their intent, not because they want to deceive, there are those that do, but because of uncertainty & trying to protect what is dear to them, their heart.

            As I noted before things happen very quickly in SL and I advised on controlling the flirts.  If you are one of the few genuine real people in SL, you need to be aware of your own actions as well as others.  For starters, do not jump gung ho into that new person that you meet.  Take your time, ask questions, and refrain from flirting and over complimenting on the avatar’s appearance.  Someone told me that I asked a lot of questions, well I have to in order to decide whether or not I want to pursue this friendship and have it evolve into something more.  It’s too easy to flirt but takes a disciplined person to refrain from it and if you remove the rubbish from the IM’s guess what you are having people…..a real & hopefully engaging conversation!!  Don’t get me wrong flirting has its place just not every time you IM a person, eventually it will get boring & what happens when the other person is not in the mood then you are left thinking they are an ass because you got blew off.

            A now good friend of mine told me that they do not like people slobbering over their avatar.  She is tired of men drooling over the avatar & not taking the time to find out who is behind the vixen.  The same can be said for women who drool.  You lose whatever bit of interest that person held for you and they might even begin to avoid you.  It is okay to compliment just don’t overdo it along with the flirting.

            If you are interested in a person and they are always the driving force of the conversation then you might have to look a little deeper inside yourself.  It needs to be a two-way conversation or else someone will be labeled boring.  Find something to talk about, that is why you must ask questions people!!!  I have only found a few people who are able to carry on a solid conversation, other I am probing & probing trying to get them to talk since they have expressed interest as well.  Once I stop asking the conversation goes dead & then there is this awkward silence.  

            To get the affection of your heart’s desire you need sincerity & most importantly respect personal boundaries.  There is nothing wrong with trying to spend as much time together as possible you just need to balance it.  Leave that person an open invitation, if you are going to be at a club let them know that they are more than welcome to join you and that your IM box is always available.  Leave it at that.  Do not press the issue and keep the conversation friendly.  If they are available, they will show & if they are at least interested in you, they will at least IM you.  Try being friends first, don't forget to read the signs and protect what is dear to you.

As with any of my postings I welcome anonymous comments, voice mails & hate-mail.

Second Life Relationship Column Part 1....

This will hopefully be a 3 part blog, I am waiting for more input from a female's point of view so the blogs should be  more thoughtful & insightful as you read on.

Relationships in Second Life are a dangerous thing as is any relationship that is not healthy, physically and mentally.  Though I have very few male friends that I talk to on a regular basis, I do have quite a few female friends that have been on the SLRRC (Second Life Relationship Roller Coaster).  I offer you all some advice to help reduce the amount of heartache you receive both men & women.

1.      Slow Down

a.       Things happen extremely fast in Second Life, I have seen people log in at 3pm, partnered by 5pm & divorced by 6pm.  Be just as cautious as you would be in reality.

b.      Do not be so quick to start claiming someone’s sole attention.  They had friends before you (unless they are a fresh rez).  Instead, ask to meet their friends at an event. That way you all will get to know each other & you might even find out some info on this new potential interest.

2.      Be anonymous

a.       Keep your 1^st & 2^nd life separate.  I am not saying do not give any real info if that is what you please, what I am saying is if you have created an alter ego who is completely different from who you are then leave it at that. If you feel the need to ‘be honest’ then you should have been YOU in the beginning. It’s a huge risk you are taking when you initially sell the ‘idea’ of you then it turns out to be false.

b.      You will never know the real person behind the avatar unless you meet face-to-face in a social setting. 

3.      Calm your jealousy

a.       Relax; flirting is second nature to many people because of anonymity.  Regardless of your relationship status you cannot prevent flirting, all you can hope for is that your date has enough respect for you to end it as soon as it begins.

4.      Respect for others and yourself

a.       Do not put up with in your 2^nd life that you will not put up with in your 1^st.  I cannot stress this enough.  You cannot stop your date from chatting other people when you are in conversation with them.  If you two are trustworthy then allow each other to find you on the map and do pop up randomly, there is nothing wrong if the person you love pops up to spend time with you.  If that is an issue then keep that person at arm’s length.  Map Find is the virtual version of the key to the apartement.

b.      If you do catch your other half cheating or admits to it then I suggest you end the romantic part of it and move on.  It will happen again, have some self respect & esteem to say ‘No I am better than this & I deserve more’.  Do not settle EVER.

More to come…..

Becoming A DJ in Second Life: Easy Setup No Mic Needed

I've had a few people ask me how to become a DJ in SL so here is my quick & dirty tutorial for doing.  You will need one program and a plug-in in order to be able to play your favorite tunes over the internet into Second Life.  Winamp media player and it's Shoutcast DSP Plugin.  Click here for Winamp, any version will do next you need the plugin , get the plugin here and follow up to step 5. Once you get to this step without any issues you are almost done.
Now we need to configure our DSP, if your Shoutcast Source window is not already up then go to Options--Preferences--Plugins--DSP/Effect & select the dsp (should be step 5).  Once that window opens up you will see four(4) tabs Main-Output-Encode-Input. The Main tab doesn't show anything relevant so we will jump to the encoder tap & select MP3 and at a quality of your choosing, I recommend 96k, 41 hz Stereo, but some people swear by 128k.  Now go to the Input tab & it should be on Winamp Select, if you have it on soundcard then that allows you to 'talk over the music'. The output tab is the last thing you need to configure & that info comes from a 'streaming server'.
You can rent one is  SL anywhere from 500L to 1000L a month depending on the bandwidth & amount of listeners you expect to have. I recommend going for a 96kbps -->128kbps & 50 Listeners server for the beginner.  The server info looks alot like an IP address (example 64.12.4.567) & the port is what follows (:1234). So when giving out your stream to potential customers it will look like so http://64.12.4.567:1234 according to my example. Alternatively some clubs or businesses have their own server which they will let you stream to if you are djing for them.  Oh don't forget to click 'connect' once the server info is in.
If you are not familiar with winamp I suggest you get familiar with the media library & searching, creating playlists & the now playing section.  Do not & I repeat DO NOT use shuffle or random while streaming. It will crash everytime.  Good Luck & see you in world.

It was all about the music

I fought with the idea of going back to streaming music and the music won.  So today I rented a stream & will begin 'deejaying' once or twice a week for kicks.  R&B & Hip Hop music is such a culturally driven art much like Heavy Metal & Country.  These are sounds that people grow up with and it's embedded into their personalities.  Whenever I hear or read a comment about how a person can't stand a certain genre of music, it irks me a little because it seems so closed minded especially in SL.  If you go to a club for the contest don't turn off the music as soon as you hear one song, give it a chance, listen to the lyrics, the underlying rhythm and I promise you it will surprise you how much in common it has to your favorite genre.

Where is Everybody

One thing that bothers me in Second Life is the fact that many people say that they are 'bored'. They need something to do. So whenever I hear this I start looking at the event board and teleporting to places and find what seems to be lavish worlds with no people, it's as if I stepped into the movie 'I am Legend'. The entire island is usually empty.  Maybe there is some truth to this virtual boredom.
Linden Lab leaves SL to the community to develop but the community is broken and greedy.  Everyone wants an island, their own 'castle'. Though I have nothing against people trying to be entrepreneurial, they do need a sense of community to bring avatars together and not just at a two hour event or special occasion.  I took a trip to a sim that is made to look like Harlem in the 50's. The area was beautiful and I was ready to engage in it but no one was there & it is hard to believe Harlem to be empty during the 50's or. This applies to most sims that recreates a major city, they are beautiful to look at but completely lifeless.
 . People spend a great deal of real money & time to maintain their 'club' or 'business'. Here is what I propose as a possible solution.  People should combine their resources and stop trying to be an island owning dictator.  Business need traffic and people want to go places where there are others to interact with.  If at least five (5) business/land owners (need I say LEADERS) get together and place their resources on one sim, they can setup a virtual community much like in real life complete with residential & commercial areas. Where at any given time there will be avatars abound. Encourage the small businesses to setup shop & create a welcome center for the new ones. Traffic will grow exponentially to the point they will have to create another one but only once the first has been completed.  Sure there will be others who will try and emulate but competition is natural and welcome.
Had the Harlem area had real apartments and businesses I would stayed there and enjoyed music at the Cotton Club or enjoyed coffee at the Paris sim on a regular basis. We are social creatures and we all can't be kings of our private SL world nor do most desire that responsibility.  I joined Second Life to have a 2nd life, meaning I can't travel the world but in SL I can the only problem is when I get theses far away cities I am only greeted by tumbleweeds.