Part II of SL Relationships

          

There are people in SL who are genuinely sincere in their approach.  Whether it be for love, friendship & yes even casual sex (since there are entire sims devoted to casual sex & noobies).  Others hide their intent, not because they want to deceive, there are those that do, but because of uncertainty & trying to protect what is dear to them, their heart.

            As I noted before things happen very quickly in SL and I advised on controlling the flirts.  If you are one of the few genuine real people in SL, you need to be aware of your own actions as well as others.  For starters, do not jump gung ho into that new person that you meet.  Take your time, ask questions, and refrain from flirting and over complimenting on the avatar’s appearance.  Someone told me that I asked a lot of questions, well I have to in order to decide whether or not I want to pursue this friendship and have it evolve into something more.  It’s too easy to flirt but takes a disciplined person to refrain from it and if you remove the rubbish from the IM’s guess what you are having people…..a real & hopefully engaging conversation!!  Don’t get me wrong flirting has its place just not every time you IM a person, eventually it will get boring & what happens when the other person is not in the mood then you are left thinking they are an ass because you got blew off.

            A now good friend of mine told me that they do not like people slobbering over their avatar.  She is tired of men drooling over the avatar & not taking the time to find out who is behind the vixen.  The same can be said for women who drool.  You lose whatever bit of interest that person held for you and they might even begin to avoid you.  It is okay to compliment just don’t overdo it along with the flirting.

            If you are interested in a person and they are always the driving force of the conversation then you might have to look a little deeper inside yourself.  It needs to be a two-way conversation or else someone will be labeled boring.  Find something to talk about, that is why you must ask questions people!!!  I have only found a few people who are able to carry on a solid conversation, other I am probing & probing trying to get them to talk since they have expressed interest as well.  Once I stop asking the conversation goes dead & then there is this awkward silence.  

            To get the affection of your heart’s desire you need sincerity & most importantly respect personal boundaries.  There is nothing wrong with trying to spend as much time together as possible you just need to balance it.  Leave that person an open invitation, if you are going to be at a club let them know that they are more than welcome to join you and that your IM box is always available.  Leave it at that.  Do not press the issue and keep the conversation friendly.  If they are available, they will show & if they are at least interested in you, they will at least IM you.  Try being friends first, don't forget to read the signs and protect what is dear to you.

As with any of my postings I welcome anonymous comments, voice mails & hate-mail.

Second Life Relationship Column Part 1....

This will hopefully be a 3 part blog, I am waiting for more input from a female's point of view so the blogs should be  more thoughtful & insightful as you read on.

Relationships in Second Life are a dangerous thing as is any relationship that is not healthy, physically and mentally.  Though I have very few male friends that I talk to on a regular basis, I do have quite a few female friends that have been on the SLRRC (Second Life Relationship Roller Coaster).  I offer you all some advice to help reduce the amount of heartache you receive both men & women.

1.      Slow Down

a.       Things happen extremely fast in Second Life, I have seen people log in at 3pm, partnered by 5pm & divorced by 6pm.  Be just as cautious as you would be in reality.

b.      Do not be so quick to start claiming someone’s sole attention.  They had friends before you (unless they are a fresh rez).  Instead, ask to meet their friends at an event. That way you all will get to know each other & you might even find out some info on this new potential interest.

2.      Be anonymous

a.       Keep your 1^st & 2^nd life separate.  I am not saying do not give any real info if that is what you please, what I am saying is if you have created an alter ego who is completely different from who you are then leave it at that. If you feel the need to ‘be honest’ then you should have been YOU in the beginning. It’s a huge risk you are taking when you initially sell the ‘idea’ of you then it turns out to be false.

b.      You will never know the real person behind the avatar unless you meet face-to-face in a social setting. 

3.      Calm your jealousy

a.       Relax; flirting is second nature to many people because of anonymity.  Regardless of your relationship status you cannot prevent flirting, all you can hope for is that your date has enough respect for you to end it as soon as it begins.

4.      Respect for others and yourself

a.       Do not put up with in your 2^nd life that you will not put up with in your 1^st.  I cannot stress this enough.  You cannot stop your date from chatting other people when you are in conversation with them.  If you two are trustworthy then allow each other to find you on the map and do pop up randomly, there is nothing wrong if the person you love pops up to spend time with you.  If that is an issue then keep that person at arm’s length.  Map Find is the virtual version of the key to the apartement.

b.      If you do catch your other half cheating or admits to it then I suggest you end the romantic part of it and move on.  It will happen again, have some self respect & esteem to say ‘No I am better than this & I deserve more’.  Do not settle EVER.

More to come…..

Becoming A DJ in Second Life: Easy Setup No Mic Needed

I've had a few people ask me how to become a DJ in SL so here is my quick & dirty tutorial for doing.  You will need one program and a plug-in in order to be able to play your favorite tunes over the internet into Second Life.  Winamp media player and it's Shoutcast DSP Plugin.  Click here for Winamp, any version will do next you need the plugin , get the plugin here and follow up to step 5. Once you get to this step without any issues you are almost done.
Now we need to configure our DSP, if your Shoutcast Source window is not already up then go to Options--Preferences--Plugins--DSP/Effect & select the dsp (should be step 5).  Once that window opens up you will see four(4) tabs Main-Output-Encode-Input. The Main tab doesn't show anything relevant so we will jump to the encoder tap & select MP3 and at a quality of your choosing, I recommend 96k, 41 hz Stereo, but some people swear by 128k.  Now go to the Input tab & it should be on Winamp Select, if you have it on soundcard then that allows you to 'talk over the music'. The output tab is the last thing you need to configure & that info comes from a 'streaming server'.
You can rent one is  SL anywhere from 500L to 1000L a month depending on the bandwidth & amount of listeners you expect to have. I recommend going for a 96kbps -->128kbps & 50 Listeners server for the beginner.  The server info looks alot like an IP address (example 64.12.4.567) & the port is what follows (:1234). So when giving out your stream to potential customers it will look like so http://64.12.4.567:1234 according to my example. Alternatively some clubs or businesses have their own server which they will let you stream to if you are djing for them.  Oh don't forget to click 'connect' once the server info is in.
If you are not familiar with winamp I suggest you get familiar with the media library & searching, creating playlists & the now playing section.  Do not & I repeat DO NOT use shuffle or random while streaming. It will crash everytime.  Good Luck & see you in world.

It was all about the music

I fought with the idea of going back to streaming music and the music won.  So today I rented a stream & will begin 'deejaying' once or twice a week for kicks.  R&B & Hip Hop music is such a culturally driven art much like Heavy Metal & Country.  These are sounds that people grow up with and it's embedded into their personalities.  Whenever I hear or read a comment about how a person can't stand a certain genre of music, it irks me a little because it seems so closed minded especially in SL.  If you go to a club for the contest don't turn off the music as soon as you hear one song, give it a chance, listen to the lyrics, the underlying rhythm and I promise you it will surprise you how much in common it has to your favorite genre.

Where is Everybody

One thing that bothers me in Second Life is the fact that many people say that they are 'bored'. They need something to do. So whenever I hear this I start looking at the event board and teleporting to places and find what seems to be lavish worlds with no people, it's as if I stepped into the movie 'I am Legend'. The entire island is usually empty.  Maybe there is some truth to this virtual boredom.
Linden Lab leaves SL to the community to develop but the community is broken and greedy.  Everyone wants an island, their own 'castle'. Though I have nothing against people trying to be entrepreneurial, they do need a sense of community to bring avatars together and not just at a two hour event or special occasion.  I took a trip to a sim that is made to look like Harlem in the 50's. The area was beautiful and I was ready to engage in it but no one was there & it is hard to believe Harlem to be empty during the 50's or. This applies to most sims that recreates a major city, they are beautiful to look at but completely lifeless.
 . People spend a great deal of real money & time to maintain their 'club' or 'business'. Here is what I propose as a possible solution.  People should combine their resources and stop trying to be an island owning dictator.  Business need traffic and people want to go places where there are others to interact with.  If at least five (5) business/land owners (need I say LEADERS) get together and place their resources on one sim, they can setup a virtual community much like in real life complete with residential & commercial areas. Where at any given time there will be avatars abound. Encourage the small businesses to setup shop & create a welcome center for the new ones. Traffic will grow exponentially to the point they will have to create another one but only once the first has been completed.  Sure there will be others who will try and emulate but competition is natural and welcome.
Had the Harlem area had real apartments and businesses I would stayed there and enjoyed music at the Cotton Club or enjoyed coffee at the Paris sim on a regular basis. We are social creatures and we all can't be kings of our private SL world nor do most desire that responsibility.  I joined Second Life to have a 2nd life, meaning I can't travel the world but in SL I can the only problem is when I get theses far away cities I am only greeted by tumbleweeds.