Saturday, October 17, 2009

Second Life Relationship Column Part 1....

This will hopefully be a 3 part blog, I am waiting for more input from a female's point of view so the blogs should be  more thoughtful & insightful as you read on.

Relationships in Second Life are a dangerous thing as is any relationship that is not healthy, physically and mentally.  Though I have very few male friends that I talk to on a regular basis, I do have quite a few female friends that have been on the SLRRC (Second Life Relationship Roller Coaster).  I offer you all some advice to help reduce the amount of heartache you receive both men & women.
1.      Slow Down
a.       Things happen extremely fast in Second Life, I have seen people log in at 3pm, partnered by 5pm & divorced by 6pm.  Be just as cautious as you would be in reality.
b.      Do not be so quick to start claiming someone’s sole attention.  They had friends before you (unless they are a fresh rez).  Instead, ask to meet their friends at an event. That way you all will get to know each other & you might even find out some info on this new potential interest.
2.      Be anonymous
a.       Keep your 1st & 2nd life separate.  I am not saying do not give any real info if that is what you please, what I am saying is if you have created an alter ego who is completely different from who you are then leave it at that. If you feel the need to ‘be honest’ then you should have been YOU in the beginning. It’s a huge risk you are taking when you initially sell the ‘idea’ of you then it turns out to be false.
b.      You will never know the real person behind the avatar unless you meet face-to-face in a social setting. 
3.      Calm your jealousy
a.       Relax; flirting is second nature to many people because of anonymity.  Regardless of your relationship status you cannot prevent flirting, all you can hope for is that your date has enough respect for you to end it as soon as it begins.
4.      Respect for others and yourself
a.       Do not put up with in your 2nd life that you will not put up with in your 1st.  I cannot stress this enough.  You cannot stop your date from chatting other people when you are in conversation with them.  If you two are trustworthy then allow each other to find you on the map and do pop up randomly, there is nothing wrong if the person you love pops up to spend time with you.  If that is an issue then keep that person at arm’s length.  Map Find is the virtual version of the key to the apartement.
b.      If you do catch your other half cheating or admits to it then I suggest you end the romantic part of it and move on.  It will happen again, have some self respect & esteem to say ‘No I am better than this & I deserve more’.  Do not settle EVER.
More to come…..


  1. I love it! I recently had similar issues in my sl marriage. We met in Nov 08 and married in Feb 09.And I even waited til after we were married to become sexual with him.Problem was as the marriage progressed I started to notice more and more he was hanging out with exes. And eventually 2 or 3 came around who were disrespectful towards me and our relationship. However, he looked over my concerns and refused to cut them loose and about 7 months into the marriage I had to end things because it all started to be too much. We have since reconciled and started working on getting back together. And although I see he has grown a little from the experience, in the back of my mind I'm wondering if I should trust him to be a better husband and partner again or if I should just move on.

  2. I agree with the suggestions to help ease one through sl life. I especially agree with those who come to sl and have established rl relations and and how they might want to handle the oh so common call of flirtation that surronds them once the log on.But I wonder do those in sl who have their rl relatioships know where to draw the line. Where the line of disrespect for their other half begins. I guess it all depends on that person and how they view their relationship. I try to keep sl as simple as possible not to encourage any unecessary drama that follows certain ones in sl. Sl is supposed to be fun and not have all the problems you try to escape from in rl so remember its just a game people.